From Inherited Shame to Chosen Strength | Tiffany’s Story
Some stories begin before we ever have language for them.
They’re whispered through family narratives, expectations, and labels we didn’t choose, yet somehow learned to carry.
In this episode of FoundHer, I sat down with Tiffany Santos, a contributor to The Embers We Carry, Volume 3 of the Lighthouse Book Series, to talk about the slow, courageous work of releasing a story that never belonged to her in the first place and choosing, instead, to write her own.
What unfolded was a conversation about trauma, boundaries, worthiness, and what it means to turn pain into something that can heal, both yourself and others.
Living Inside a Label You Didn’t Choose
For much of her life, Tiffany lived under the weight of a negative reputation that began even before she was born. Family history, assumptions, and unspoken judgments shaped how she saw herself long before she had the chance to define who she was. Over time, those external narratives became internal ones. Self-labeling. Negative thought patterns. A quiet belief that she was somehow less than, or responsible for burdens that were never hers to carry.
It wasn’t until later in life, through deep personal work and supportive relationships, that Tiffany began to question those stories.
Learning to Catch the Inner Critic
One of the most powerful shifts Tiffany described was her growing ability to notice negative thought patterns in real time. They still show up, but they no longer get to stay. Where self-criticism once felt automatic and unquestionable, Tiffany now meets it with awareness and choice. She spoke about learning to put down emotional weight that belonged to others and how liberating, and confronting, that process can be.
Healing didn’t mean becoming untouched by others’ pain. It meant learning discernment. Boundaries. And compassion for herself in moments when old habits resurface.
Grief, Boundaries, and the Father Wound
A tender part of Tiffany’s story centers on her relationship with her father. She shared the lifelong longing for his presence and approval, and the complicated grief that comes with accepting what may never be available. This wasn’t about blame. It was about truth.
Together, we talked about how healing sometimes requires grieving the parent we needed but didn’t have, while also learning how to set boundaries with the parent who exists in front of us.
From Trauma to Touch: Learning to Receive
Tiffany’s journey eventually led her to become a massage therapist and Reiki practitioner, a path rooted in healing through touch and presence. But for someone who had survived trauma, receiving care didn’t come easily. She spoke openly about how difficult it once felt to accept help, even from safe people. Over time, with the support of strong, compassionate women in her life, she learned that receiving isn’t weakness. It’s trust.
Turning Pain Into Purpose
A defining part of Tiffany’s story is her determination to break generational cycles of harm. Rather than allowing trauma to harden or define her, she has chosen to use it as a source of insight, empathy, and change. Her chapter is not about reliving the past, but about transforming it into something that can illuminate a path forward.
This same spirit shows up in another profound decision Tiffany shared: her journey to become a kidney donor. After seeing a social media post about a woman in need of a kidney, Tiffany began a process that led her into a donation chain program. Through this program, one act of donation can help multiple recipients, creating a ripple effect of healing far beyond a single person.
Her surgery is scheduled for April 11, the same day The Embers We Carry, Volume 3 launches.
The symbolism is striking. A day marked by giving, release, and shared humanity.
“I realized the story I was living in wasn’t mine. It was something I inherited and learned to believe.”
About Tiffany
Contributor to The Embers We Carry, Volume 3
Massage therapist and Reiki practitioner whose work is rooted in trauma-informed healing and learning to receive support
Kidney donor participating in a multi-recipient donation chain, turning personal compassion into collective impact
